William and Shady Season I: Origins
by William and Shady Fan Project
Summary: The characters in the toyline created by Dylan Sprouse come to life in this mad fanfiction. Entrepreneur anthromorphic bear and CEO William gets bitten by the sentient parasite Shady, accidentally created by a wannabe mad scientist out in the middle of the Savannah. Her plot to use William to gain control of the world goes horribly wrong, and both are on the run from... everybody.
1. William

_Legal Disclaimer: William and Shady is owned by creator Dylan Sprouse and is legally copyrighted by such. I do not own these characters nor the rights to them. This story is a fan tribute ONLY. _

_Story Disclaimer: This story is experimental. Because of my busy life, I will probably release the chapters infrequently._

_W&S Universe/Shady's Gender Disclaimer: This story is based off a line of toys created by Dylan Sprouse. You can go to sprousearts . com to see them, and I think you can even still buy them. I know that he wanted to make a video game based off of William and Shady at some point, but it seems that must have fallen through because nothing has been said about it since, plus, he's probably extremely busy with college. Point is, there is no canonized universe around these characters. This story is an attempt to create an unofficial universe around these characters. It unlikely resembles any sort of universe he would have personally created for the characters. I do not know if he intended for Shady to be a female, but that is what I am making her/him in this story. I just think it fits better. I hope that he would forgive me for these liberties taken._

_I have also placed this story in the Suite Life section on account of I know of nowhere else to go on the site where it will be seen and enjoyed by the fans of Dylan and Cole Sprouse and their work._

**Dylan Sprouse's William and Shady Season One - Mad Scientists, Obligatory Origins, and People Eating Lasanga**

**[William]**

William knew the day was going to be bad from the moment he woke up and got out of bed.

For starters, his alarm clock hadn't gone off. Apparently, there had been a power surge while he had been sleeping, and his alarm clock was endlessly flashing '12:00' repeatedly over and over again.

William's internal clock had failed him and he had woken up five minutes later than he had set his clock for. This had instantly spoiled his mood greatly.

William very nearly took his clock and threw it against the wall, but stopped and thought to himself: it was not the poor clock's fault, was it? Wasn't it, in fact, the fault of the power company that he already paid way too much money to for this outlandish service provided to his oversized house?

Now, to be fair, William's manor wasn't _nearly_ as large as you'd expect the dwelling residence of a world famous business magnate to be. William, despite being a multi-billionaire, had always believed in modesty, after all. He, of course, deserved to live in the lap of luxury, but he wasn't excessive. No, no. His manor was nowhere near the size of, say, Bill Gates' or Steve Jobs' mansions. It was just a tiny bit smaller. William believed in penny-pinching wherever he could.

William hated spending unnecessary money. Indeed, he even refused to hire hardly any caretakers at all for his manor and opted instead to work the few he did hire to nearly to death. (Though not all the way to death. Because then they wouldn't be able to work.) Naturally, it was very hard to find and keep good help these days. The help he did find was always whiny and irresponsible. It flabbergasted him. After all, they were given the blessing of serving him, the greatest entrepreneur and businessman in the world. Many people in the world would have given their right arms to touch him even once. On occasion, he actually did charge people for accidentally touching him. If an employee touched him, he would often dock their pay. The amount depended on his mood, whether good or grumpy that day. He was often grumpy. But how could he not be? The world was filled with such incompetence.

Was there no one else in the world who shared his brilliant mind and insight? Who could see his visions the way he saw them? Who could understand and appreciate the sheer depths of his brilliance?

No.

Very seldom.

Even when people were kissing up to him, it was always with a fine layer of deceit. They only wanted to hold onto their jobs, get promoted, or be around him to make themselves feel important.

No real appreciation whatsoever.

He remembered how growing up his father had hammered into his head the best piece of advice that to the present day he still lived his life by:

"Money and power are more important than anything else in the world, William! The one who has the most money and power controls the world! The strong rule over the weak! Survival of the fittest is the name of the game! Are you strong or weak, William?"

Sometimes a tear would deign to come to his eye whenever he would think upon these memories.

But his father had also said:

"Tears are only for those who don't have thick enough skin to take the world by the horns and acquire all it has to offer. Do you have weak skin, William?"

How many times had his father paddled him for crying? But it had made him into the man he was today. He was strong and unwavering.

His father had disappeared one day while flying over the Himalayas in his private jet en route to a business meeting from India to China. No one ever had any clue what had happened to him. William had been thrust into taking over his father's empire at the young age of 20.

William had resolved to do his father proud. He was deliberately more ruthless than his father had ever been. He steered his father's companies in the right direction and made them even more prosperous than ever before.

Of course, many people despised him, especially those who knew him personally. Ungratefulness, once again. He just couldn't understand it.

But, it was just his burden to bear, he supposed. Life was like that.

He got on the phone and began cussing out the power company for about 10 minutes. They tried to say it was a situation they had no control over, and promised to do everything in their power to try not to let it happen again... yada yada yada.

Same old story.

Incessant incompetence.

William was convinced that incompetence always had and always would rule the world. There would never be any changing that, no matter how much he wished it could be so.

William stepped into his oversized bathroom, and leaning against his sink, looked at himself in the mirror.

William was an anthromorphic humanoid brown bear. Under normal circumstances, just a little better looking than most. He knew it. It was both his blessing and his curse. But today, at this particular moment gazing into the mirror, he was not in his best of looks. His fur was a mess, standing up on end and going all over the place. He really needed a trim soon. The look of himself irritated him this morning. He usually greatly enjoyed staring at himself in the mirror for hours on end, but the way he looked right now, he wished nothing more than to just punch through the abomination in the mirror that was trying and failing to mimic his image of absolute perfection and send it back to the twisted alternate dimension from whence it came.

William knew that the day was not going to be pleasant when he got into the shower and the hot water went out after five minutes. He had been paying extra money to the utility company to have his water temperature always at the desired level whenever he turned it on so he wouldn't have to wait for the water to get hot.

Why was he going through this?

He called the utility company and cussed them out, and they promised to send someone out in between 12 to 3.

William's day was made even worse when his butler served him breakfast. One of his over easy eggs had been broken on the top and the yellow of his eggs was running down over everything. How could he possibly be served something that did not look perfect? And one of his sticks of bacon was alarmingly short. The biscuits were the only decent thing in the spread. The pancakes had been slathered with just slightly more syrup than William preferred.

Wadsworth had been serving him every day for 10 years now. What was wrong with him? Why do this? Why put him through this incessant torment?

William chewed him out good. Wadsworth mumbled some miserable excuse, something about him being mentally preoccupied with his wife being sick...

William sighed.

It was probably her fault for not taking care of herself better. And it was still not a good enough excuse for this debacle of a meal sitting before him. William did not enjoy his breakfast.

Wadsworth brought him the New York Times just a few seconds later than he would have preferred to have had it in his hands upon finishing up his "meal."

He perused the paper. Ricky Sandy had taken two more states in the Republican Presidential election primaries yesterday, but it still seemed like Tim Bess was going to take the position of frontrunner against President Hagrid Forsythe in the main election.

Tim Bess was William's choice. William thought he would make a fine candidate. Tim exemplified all of William's personal values and morals.

Tim Bess was also a businessman, like William. He was extravagantly rich, a money hoarder, and knew all about mergers, hostile takeovers, firing people, and decent money management business techniques. (Many of which were unscrupulous, but in William's book, the only thing immoral was not doing whatever you could to get ahead in life)

The things Tim Bess was criticized for on the media were character traits of which William held very dear to his heart. William seldom voted in elections, but if Tim were nominated, he would definitely vote in this one. Still, everyone expected President Hagrid to win the election for a second term. It was because people were idiots, as far as William was concerned.

President Hagrid was a democrat and a liberal. Not a palatable combination William's lexicon. But Tim Bess was a conservative Republican and a businessman. Perfect choice by William's beliefs.

Salamand Green was lagging behind in a close third, but his chances of actually getting the nomination were getting slimmer and slimmer.

And no one seemed to care much about Kimmel Young. William couldn't imagine for the life of him why he was even still in the race.

Things got worse for William's day from then onward.

His limousine got a flat tire on its way out of the driveway. His driver, Fenwick, was so incompetent. It took him a whole 30 minutes to get the tire changed and get back on the road. William had an important meeting today. Didn't the universe know that it was supposed to be on his side? Why was it coming against him so?

The next thing that happened that sent William into a deeper funk was that they got into a traffic jam on the freeway. Apparently, there had been a ten-car pile up.

Unbelievable.

Now they were going to have to sit here while William was becoming ever and ever later and having to deal with being bored out of his mind.

Fenwick turned on the radio to try and pass the time. William paid little attention, though. Just a bunch of debates from over-opinionated journalists over who was going to win the election. Nothing new.

William sighed. This was getting tedious. They were still trying to get ambulances through and get the injured out.

It was then that William saw something that made his day even sourer.

One of the people being carted off was David Ricker, an acquaintance of William's that he had just been shooting pool with the night before.

This bugged William immensely. David did not look to be in very good shape. William had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. David owed him money. If anything happened to him, William might not ever see it. William made a note to stop by the hospital later and try to get David to write him a check before he croaked or something.

After they got the bodies out and the ambulances had cleared, things were still not moving along. The trucks were there to begin towing everything away, but there were about ten guys standing around just staring at the mess and discussing it.

What the heck was there to discuss? All they had to do was simply attach the tow trucks to the cars and begin pulling them out! It wasn't complicated!

William almost got out of the limo to go over and give them a piece of his mind, but Fenwick somehow convinced him otherwise.

Bad PR, he had said.

Fenwick had a point, but why should William have to just sit here and put up with this stupidity?

Eventually, William got to work... three hours late.

The coffee pot that was normally freshly brewed and waiting for him in his office had not been remade fresh upon his arrival. William had to drink his first cup of coffee three hours old while he chewed out his secretary and had her make him another pot.

First everything that had happened, and now three hour old coffee? Could this day possibly get any worse?

Well... yes. It turns out the stocks of one of his companies had gone down by 2 points. Also, there were some complaints about the working conditions in some of his factories in China. People were getting all bent out of shape about it.

Unbelievable.

He worked his butt off to give people good, stable jobs, and all they ever seemed to do was complain and criticize.

So what if those people in China were being forced to illegally work 14 hour days? In that economy, they should consider themselves very blessed for the chance to make a little extra money!

And as for the chemicals that were constantly wafting through the air making people in the factories sick, sometimes with long-term effects, for gosh sakes, hadn't ANY of these people heard of face masks?

This wasn't rocket science.

Ungrateful, ungrateful, ungrateful!

Why must he endure so much persecution at the hands of whiners and opinionated bigots?

But his day really came crashing down when he arrived home, thinking he was finally going to be able to get some R and R to recover from this awful day. Unfortunately, his girlfriend Henrietta was waiting for him.

William smacked himself over the head when his limo came into the driveway and he saw her relentlessly gaudy pink car sitting parked incorrectly in front of his house. He had forgotten he had promised to spend two hours of his life with her today.

Well, it was for the greater good, he guessed, as he sighed to himself. There are some things in life that were just too important to not invest in. This relationship was certainly one of them. But he inwardly groaned when he saw her and the first thing she said was those words that no male ever wants to hear come from the lips of their girlfriend...

"We need to talk."

_Great. _He thought to himself. _God knows what insufferable complaint she's going to go rambling on about now..._

There's no four words in the human language that he hated more coming from the female mouth more than: "We need to talk."

The conversations that always followed were so annoying and inconvenient. And then he would have to break out the flowery words and consolatory cliches and pretend to actually give a rip. But what she had to tell him this particular conversation hit him harder than he was expecting:

"William, I don't think it's working... I just can't stay in this relationship any longer."

William was shocked beyond knowing what to say.

"Excuse me?" he said, not quite believing what he had just heard.

"I said exactly what I mean!" she said, arms crossed. "It's just not going to work!"

William stared dumbfounded at his girlfriend.

"You're breaking up with me?" he said it as if it was the most unlikely, unbelievable thing he had ever heard in the world. Like someone had just announced that all chocolate was going to be red from now on.

"Did I stutter?" she said. "Let me repeat it one more time so you can get it: It's over! For good! Forever!"

William was beside himself. He had to plop down on the leather chair next to his sofa and stare at the floor for awhile.

This came as a huge blow. No one had ever broken up with him before. Ever. He had always been the dumper. Never the dumpee.

"I... I just don't know what to say..." he said.

"Well, it serves you right..." she said.

"This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen..." William was dejected beyond all manner of putting into words.

"Well, it's all your own fault!" Henrietta started in on him. "You hardly ever spend time with me! You've cancelled half our dates because you always needed to be someplace else! A third of our dates were cancelled due to business clients that you felt were more important meeting with than me... you didn't remember my birthday… you were nowhere to be found or reached on Valentine's Day last year! I swear, half the time, I don't feel like you're treating me like I even matter!"

"You did matter!" William threw his hands up in the air. "You have no idea how much you mattered!"

William was now holding his head in his hands.

"Well, you should have thought of that before letting this relationship fall apart!"

"I mean..." William said.

He pulled out his day planner and flipped a few pages.

"I hadn't scheduled myself to break up with you until February the 13th..."

Now it was her turn to stare at him dumbfounded.

"Excuse me?" She said in a did-you-just-say-what-I-thought-you-said-I-can't-believe-my-ears-I-better-not-have-just-heard-what-I-thought-I-did-or-so-help-you-God kind of tone.

"I was supposed to break up with you on the 13th... and then... while really distraught over our relationship not working out... I would have probably finally been able to swing that pity date with my secretary. It was supposed to be the perfect Valentine's Day!" William said with great sadness in his voice.

The only reaction Henrietta could give was a look of stunned silence, and a look on her face like she really couldn't believe what William was saying.

"If that is some sort of a joke, it's REALLY not funny." she said with an icy tone in her voice.

"No, it's true, see?" William said, holding up his planner so she could see the calendar.

Indeed, he had written in "Break up with Henrietta" on the 13th, and "Hot date with secretary" on the 14th.

"So, you were only using me?" she said, enunciating each word slowly.

William went on as if oblivious to the building wrath in her voice. He put the planner down and sighed.

"All of my plans are shot now." he said with the most sincere disappointment in his voice.

"Oh, your plans are shot?" Henrietta said to him, calmly and sweetly.

William grabbed a fiddle that was conveniently placed by his chair for situations such as this and started strumming a sad, sweet tune.

"This has just been one of the worst days of my life... everything's gone completely wrong..."

"Oh, you think you've had a bad day?"

William went on as if he was either blindly ignorant or just didn't care about the way his ex-gf was glaring at him.

"Oh, you just have no idea..." He strummed away at his fiddle. "I woke up five minutes late. My breakfast wasn't right. The eggs were a little runny. I got a flat tire on the way to work. David Ricker was in an accident, he was in a coma when I got to the hospital. That's a $200 bet on the Mets game I might never see. My coffee at work was old. My stocks are down. People are complaining about the way I run factories in China. And now I have to come home to this!"

"Your life is just one great big tragedy, isn't it?" Henrietta said.

"Some days it is." he said sincerely.

"I'm very sorry I had to be the cherry on top of making your day even worse."

"You could make it better." he said, strumming with great concentration, his eyes closed as he lost himself in the sad, sweet music he was making.

"Oh, can I? And just how can I do that, sweety?" Henrietta said with a sweet, murderous smile on her face.

"Please pretend to still be my girlfriend and dump me on the 13th so I can still get with my secretary." he replied with the utmost seriousness.

A few minutes later, the front door to William's manor opened and he came flying out, along with too large suitcases that smacked him on the head.

The door slammed shut after the last suitcase had hit him and the lock clicked.

William rubbed his aching head, got an angry grimace on his face, and started screaming:

"OH, YEAH? WELL YOU WEREN'T WORTH IT ANYWAYS! WORST 4 TO 6 HOURS A WEEK I EVER SPENT IN MY LIFE! I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANOTHER DAY EVEN IF IT DOES GET ME A HOT PITY DATE!"

In a huff, he grabbed his suitcases and was about to storm off the premises when he suddenly stopped and realized something.

He quickly ran back to the door and started banging on it vigorously.

"HEY! THIS IS _MY _HOUSE!"


	2. Meanwhile, at the Fortress of Doom

**[Meanwhile, At The Conspicuous Evil Fortress Of Doom]**

Thousands of miles away, deep in the heart of Africa in the middle of the vast Savannah, sat a conspicuous evil fortress of doom. You could tell it was an evil fortress of doom simply by looking at it. What else would you imagine a towering fortress of steel plopped right in the middle of the vast African desert might be? One that had a constant circle of dark clouds and perpetual strikes of lightning all around it despite the fact that the sky everywhere else miles around was a clear, lightly cloudy blue? And, of course, it was quite conspicuous. You'd see it like a sore thumb even if you were miles away.

Inside the fortress of doom, Steve the Assistant, a young, red haired man in his early 20s, walked determinedly through the metallic hallways, his feet clacking and echoing along with every determined step. He held a copy of a crumpled map in his hands. Every now and then he would stop and check it with a frustrated sigh. Eventually, he came to a particular hallway where there was an elevator, took it up, and then walked through about five more hallways before ascending a flight of stairs. The sound of thunder constantly boomed outside, shaking the entire fortress with each roar, especially more forceful as he climbed higher and higher.

At the top of the stairs was a dark room with many different machines and computers all along the wall whirring and buzzing about. Steve switched on the light and headed for the one in the center: a very huge one with a lot of knobs and switches and a giant lever on the right.

Plastered on the top of the machine were the words in a sinister font: 'Evil Fortress Thunder and Lightning System.'

On the bottom it said: 'Dolby Digital 9.0 EVIL Edition.'

Steve sighed and pulled the lever, and at once the sounds of booming thunder outside the fortress subsided.

_'Mission one accomplished...'_ Steve thought to himself.

Now, he just needed to figure out where Dr. Xane was. Steve sighed to himself. This wasn't going to be easy. This fortress was just too ridiculously fricking huge.

He consulted his map again and decided to start with the five most obvious places first: the main corridor near the entrance on the 1st floor, the laboratory in the basement, the two kitchens, and Dr. Xane's room on the 3rd floor which was annoyingly right next to his.

Honestly, these were among the only places in the entire fortress that were ever used as far as he'd been here.

Most everything in this building was simply for the sake of having a gigantic towering evil fortress. Most of the hallways and rooms in the whole place had no actual intended practical use at all. This whole cockamamie operation irked Steve to no end.

When Steve finally entered the main corridor, tired and nearly completely out of breath from all the walking, he was surprised to see the entire gigantic room was completely blacked out.

Now, this didn't make any sense. The lights in the main corridor were never out. And the power was not out in the rest of the fortress. Did his messing with the machine at the top of the fortress have something to do with this?

Steve walked cautiously into the main corridor. He was not sure where the light switch even was because he'd never had to use it before.

"Dr. Xane?" He called out. "DR. XANE?"

A giant spotlight came on and hit the center of the room. Dr. Xane (who was actually no older than Steve) stood right in the middle of it, his back to Steve. He slowly glanced back in a dramatic fashion.

"So nice to see you, Steve!" Dr. Xane said. He had a gleam in his eye as he spoke. Steve could see that he had attached that silly fake black beard that clashed with the blond in his hair. And he had not attached it correctly. It hung fairly loose on the left side, ending up simply looking altogether awkward. "Now that you are here, the festivities can finally begin!"

Steve walked towards him, a little agitated and confused at the same time.

"Were you waiting for me here this whole time?"

The 21 year old mad scientist slowly turned around. His spiky blond hair was going in all directions, as usual. He wore the traditional mad scientist attire, white coat, oversized white gloves, ect.

Dr. Xane ignored Steve's question and began to speak with the utmost dramatic tone (for which he had no talent for whatsoever, it just didn't work with his particular voice).

"For far too long this world has been caught in the death grip of its own inane techno-narcissistic tendencies that deign to inundate the collective consciousnesses of society!" Xane started.

"What...?" Steve tried to say.

"For far too long have we not dared to try and rise and challenge the dogs of the system to which we so willingly submit under and press our faces into the dust like pigs and whores!"

"What system?" Steve said with an irritated, annoyed, and confused look on his face.

"FOR FAR TOO LONG..." Dr. Xane started raising his voice to a dramatic tenor as he pointed up toward the sky. "... HAVE THEY BEEN ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH IT! But now... NOW!" he screamed. "I tell you… they've finally reaped what they've sowed!" Steve just put his head in his hand, wondering why it was he had to suffer so.

"This is insane." Steve sighed.

"Insane? INSANE? Do you even know the half of what insane IS, Steve?" Dr. Xane slowly started walking towards Steve, the spotlight staying stationary. Dr. Xane began to realize that the spotlight was not following him.

"HEY!" Dr. Xane screamed up into the darkness, talking to someone Steve couldn't see. "Why isn't the spotlight following me? What the heck am I paying you for?"

"You have all the lights out, sir, we cannot see the controls so easily…"

"That's your problem! Not my problem! Now get the light on me and keep it on me at all times! Otherwise I'm cutting your pay in half!" Xane screamed.

There was a sound of fumbling around up in the darkness. A firework shot randomly off to the right of Steve. A few other lights and distorted sound bites came out a speaker system somewhere. Eventually, the spotlight clumsily and awkwardly started moving toward Dr. Xane.

"Ah, that's better!" he said, looking pleased as he started walking again. The spotlight struggled to keep up with him. Dr. Xane was almost at Steve when he suddenly stopped and yelled: "THAT'S YOUR CUE!" After a second, a musical tone started coming from somewhere out of the darkness.

"Is that a violin?" Steve asked.

"Let me tell you what's insane, Steve..." Dr. Xane said over dramatically, ignoring Steve's question and returning to the previous train of thought he'd been on before he had been interrupted. Dr. Xane was now standing in front of Steve, waving his finger around in his face.

"That the world has come to the breaking point where it needs someone like me to rise up and show them the error of their ways! Yes, it has finally come to this! I, the great mad scientist, Dr. Xane!"

"I would say that's a subjective point of view..." Steve muttered, arms crossed.

"Hmm? What was that, Steve? I didn't quite hear you." Dr. Xane said, holding his hand up to his right ear dramatically and pressing it towards Steve.

"I was saying that it's subjective that you consider yourself a legitimate 'villian' like you're painfully pretending to be!" Steve said agitatedly, poking Dr. Xane hard in the chest.

Dr. Xane looked woefully downcast.

"Steve... Steve... your words do break my heart so..." he said melodramatically.

More instruments started playing from the darkness. Steve looked around, irritated and confused.

"Where ARE those coming from...?"

"But I guess it should be expected," Dr. Xane continued, ignoring him once more, as he turned and started walking away from Steve. The spotlight was not following him. Xane did not notice. "You are only a newbie here, after all. You've not had the chance yet, as also the rest of the world, to witness the true depths of my sheer demonic brilliance and genius."

"You're just an incredibly rich and lonely nerd playing the part of a supervillian because it gives you some sort of meaning to your pathetic, geeky, shallow, meaningless life." Steve barked at Dr. Xane harshly.

Dr. Xane frowned for a moment, then turned toward Steve, breaking out into a smile.

"Ah, I see. You think that I am just a mere poser! No, no, my friend! I am more than just an actor playing a part, don't you see? I have a plan! It lurks deep within the most hidden recesses of my mind!" he said, tapping himself on the head. "And I am quite certain that once my plan comes fully to fruition, even you will be so awestruck to the point of being unable to speak!"

"Oh, yeah? And just what is this plan?" Steve asked, arms crossed, unconvinced. 

"I have read to the end of this story!" Dr. Xane elevated his voice. "And you know what I saw? I can give you full assurance… that there IS only one Final Boss at the end of this story… and that's ME and ME alone!"

Steve rolled his eyes.

"I cannot believe you actually buy into all that junk by 'Dr.' Itchy."

"HE IS A GENIUS!" Dr. Xane yelled at Steve.

"No, he's a crackpot 'philosopher' who thinks the entire world is a piece of fiction in someone's mind, and that all universes, except for 'Universe 0,' as he calls it, are the same way, and that we're all just characters in someone's elaborate story."

Dr. Xane waved him off and turned around heading back to his spotlight.

"You shall see in due time. You disbelieve now, but I TELL you I know it to be true! I shall be the villain! Things will all work out! It is DESTINED to be this way!"

The music was getting more pronounced and louder.

"WHERE IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM?" Steve yelled.

Dr. Xane stepped back into his spotlight, and, with back still turned to Steve, clapped his hands.

All the lights immediately came on, illuminating the entire area.

"What the...?"

It was all Steve could do to look around in shock. There was what appeared to be an entire orchestra spread out all over the place. They sat with their instruments, surrounding the entirety of the room, and even on the second floor balcony that went around the area as well.

In the middle was a bunch of extravagantly dressed dancers, complete with costumes, glitter, and in the center of the room was something new...

"Is that a fountain...?" Steve asked. "What's that coming out of... is that WINE?"

Dr. Xane turned around and started advancing towards Steve. The symphony started playing on. Dr. Xane walked slowly with a swing in his step, swaying side by side as he walked, with both arms raised up. Two of the dancers quickly rushed forward and threw a cape over his shoulders that was black on the outside and red on the inside.

"You have got to be kidding me..." Steve said. 

_"From the depths of anonymity I come..." _Dr. Xane started singing, badly.

"_Breaking my bonds from the grip shallow conformity in this desolate world..._

_They said I was nothing but they knew not what I was and now they will all PAY..."_

Dr. Xane stopped in front of Steve, who had a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face. Dr. Xane continued singing.

_"They said I was mad...!_

_They called me criminally insane...!_

_But now they will see that they were more than just right!_

_They will endure the havoc of the madman they have sown..."_

"No one even knows who you are or that you even exist!" Steve yelled.

It was from here on that the whole thing became a spectacle of which is impossible to describe to the fullest in these pages. Plus, the author is just a wee bit lazy. But the orchestra went all out, dancers danced in inane patterns all over the place, there was confetti, cartwheels, so much happening all at once. It was pure madness.

Dr. Xane started running around the room, continuing his song and trying to do twirls every now and then and failing miserably.

_"From the mind of the man who sat in his room fantasizing about anarchy and total meltdown... The one who said to himself: 'Screw it, the world needs a villain!'" _Dr. Xane flailed his arms out on that line._ "I plotted and planned and schemed and sweated! I knew not what I was doing, but I said to myself, 'Hey, I'm rich and insane!'"_

"I'm not disagreeing with that last part!" Steve said, with his arms crossed.

Dr. Xane stood in the middle of the room and raised his arms dramatically.

_"A towering fortress in a desolate area of the world..._

_Strong and sturdy enough to power my death ray…!"_

"You don't have a death ray yet."

_"When I rule the world they will all sing..."_

A bunch of people surrounded Dr. Xane, grabbed him, and hoisted him up and started spinning him around.

_"Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane!" _They sang. _"He's the man with the plan who will take over the world! Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! The one with dashing good looks that all the girls clamor for and the nations of this world all cringe in terror!"_

"This song is terrible..." Steve said.

The dancers held Dr. Xane high and continued spinning him around.

_"Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! When his name is spoken they will cower in fear and in utter holy terror until they hurl! Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! Some say his handsomeness is his mightiest weapon!"_

Dr. Xane started singing again.

_"I was just a guy who sat in his room. Doing calculus and playing D&D, too. I never knew if I liked Generations more than Nemesis, but I told myself 'This story needs a villain and I'm up to the challenge!'_

_An IQ of 175 and beat Legendary mode on Halo within a day, I have the looks and skills... and... oh, God..."_

Dr. Xane was looking noticeably green.

"P... put me down... put me down!" He started saying frantically.

The dancers quickly set him down on the ground and he started promptly hurling. The song had stopped for the moment.

It was all Steve could do but watch on in bewilderment.

It took a while before Dr. Xane managed to fully compose himself.

"I... I..." He said, still bent over and heaving. "I get dizzy when spun around too much..."

Steve slapped his face with the palm of his hand, facepalming for possibly the hundredth time today.

"But don't mind me... don't mind me...! I'm just fine!" Dr. Xane said as he stood back up again, oblivious to the fact he was stepping in his own mess as he walked forward.

"Start the song again from where we left off! No one pick me up this time!"

The orchestra started the song again. Dr. Xane started 'singing' again, still walking a little wobbly and looking green, burping on occasion every now and then and looking like he was trying really hard not to hurl again.

_"...and for all the tricks and schemes and wiles *burp* I have in my mind, the greatest caper I have yet to unveil, so devious even the devil will cower in terror..."_

"What caper?"

Dancers surrounded Dr. Xane and began singing.

_"The greatest caper... _

_One that is unfathomable and unimaginable... _

_The world cannot imagine the fruits of what goes on in his brain..."_

"What is up with this horrendous song?" Steve said.

_"Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! The most suavest, maddest, greatest villain of them all!"_

Suddenly, the band stopped. The lights in the room changed, showering the room in a dim blue. Dr. Xane walked over to a giant harp that was positioned near the center on the right side. He took his seat and started strumming. He was oblivious to the line of puke dribbling from the left side of his mouth he hadn't wiped away.

_"But it hasn't been all fun and plotting and scheming..."_ He said as he strummed on.

_"My arch nemeses have seen to it that my work does not come easy..."_

"WHAT ARCH NEMESES?" Steve called out.

Dr. Xane pointed to the left wall where a picture hung of two costumed clad superheroes and then continued playing.

_"There are those out there who do not see the vision as I envision it... and they would do their best to put a wrench in whatever I try to put my hand to..."_

"You're talking about Quick Guy and Brain Man from the Disney Channel!"

_"Their obstinacy in thwarting my evil schemes knows no bounds..."_

"They're fictional characters! You do not _have_ arch nemeses because no one in the world knows you actually exist!" Steve reiterated to the wind.

The lights in the room now turned red, and the orchestra music suddenly became more ominous.

Dr. Xane stepped away from the harp and started rubbing his hands together with a look of demonic glee on his face.

_"But all that is in the past now! With the sheer brilliance of this scheme, not even Quick Guy or Brain Man or anyone else will be able to dare stand in my way! And then... and then! After their quick demise at a painful end... the entire world will bow before me!"_

"Well, if you really want to go down to Hollywood and bring about their painful end, be my guest... that show is lame and those twins can't act."

The lights returned to normal. People hoisted glasses up towards the wine fountain to catch the wine in their glasses as they sang:

_"Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! He is the king and rightful heir to the throne of the world! Dr. Xane! Dr. Xane! A finer man than could ever be chosen! Sexy and smart with a brain to rival that of Einstein!"_

The song went on for some time more, with many more terrible lines, lots of dancing, and utter chaos and madness throughout the room. Steve was appalled to check his watch at one point and realize that the horrendous song had been approaching the 15 minute mark.

Eventually, mercifully, it all came to a stop.

Dr. Xane stood there with his arms in a 'voila!' pose, looking quite pleased with himself.

"So, let me get this straight..." Steve said, walking up to him. "You hired an entire orchestra and dancers and what-not and had them all shipped out to the middle of Africa… just so you could have a villain song?"

"Yes! And I wrote the entire song myself! ^_^" Dr. Xane said proudly.

"You don't say."

"Hey, when are we getting paid?" One of the orchestra members called out.

"Soon!" Dr. Xane called back. "Head back to your rooms and chill for a while! I'll be back with a check later for all of you! You guys were AWESOME!" Dr. Xane threw his arms up, giving the peace symbol in each hand.

"Don't you mean to use the rocker sym… nevermind." Steve said, deciding to not waste any more of his breath than he had to on this insanity.

Everyone began gathering up their things. It was evident by the looks on their faces that they were just as enthused with the job as Steve was right now.

"How desperate were they that you were able to con them into coming all the way out here in the first place for that ridiculous performance?" Steve asked.

"They are a professional group! They've been in off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway!" Dr. Xane said, still with a ^_^ look on his face.

"Well, I guess in today's economy you do whatever you can to survive..." Steve shrugged.

"Just like you when you took on this job!" Dr. Xane pointed out.

"I was only interested in the internship for college credit! Which I STILL can't believe this place actually counts! I'm supposed to be learning and gaining experience in an actual laboratory. Are you sure this place is actually accredited?"

"Yes, yes!" Dr. Xane said, a little annoyed. "I had to hack a few school and government systems, but I can do that! I've got money! See? You'll get your credit just fine. When you have money and you're CRAZY, you can do anything!"

"Did you… you didn't list it as anyway indicating what actually goes on in this place, did you?" Steve meant in the sense of taking over the world, not the actual inanity that really went on in this place. The university might raise its eyebrows at such a suspicious synopsis.

"Oh, please! Don't patronize me! I'm not stupid, you know! I'm not going to go around advertising that the scientific research that takes place in my laboratory counts towards TAKING OVER THE WORLD!" Dr. Xane said matter-of-factly with his hands on his hips.

"It doesn't!" Steve said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "There's no scientific research of any kind going on here! You haven't done a single damn thing since I've come except play video games and run around in your costume acting what you perceive to be all 'villainy'!"

"And all you do is sit all day in your room with your nose in your books! Some assistant you are!' Dr. Xane pointed at him.

"I'm TRYING to make the most of my time here and actually learn something while I'm here!" Steve said exasperatedly.

"…and after all my generosity in trying to help you fulfill your own dreams!" Dr. Xane was ignoring him as usual.

"I thought I was interviewing for a REAL job! You kidnapped me!"

"More villain-y that way!" Dr. Xane said.

"I really should have known something was off when I showed up at the address from the Craig's List notice and saw nothing but a bunch of abandoned warehouses."

"You gotta look at this way..." Dr. Xane said. "I could have been some sort of black market crime lord that took you into one of those warehouses and harvested your organs for money! I may have actually saved your life!"

"You're a saint. I wouldn't have even shown up if not for the listing. Then I suddenly find myself stuffed in a giant bag by some gorilla, and then in a trunk on a plane bound for Africa... by the way, whatever happened to that guy?"

"There was no place for him in the rest of the story. So his character was scrapped."

Steve was looking at Dr. Xane, looking disturbed and uncertain for the first time since he'd arrived and met Dr. Xane.

Dr. Xane seemed to catch on for once. "Oh, don't give me that look! I simply fired him!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Whatever. But you could have at least fed me and not actually forgotten about me and left me on the plane for half a day after we landed."

"Exposition, exposition..." Dr. Xane waved it off.

"Look, Bob..."

"NEVER CALL ME BY THAT NAME!" Dr. Xane whirled around suddenly and got right in Steve's face. "I AM A SERIOUS VILLAIN! You only address me from now on as Dr. Xane!"

Steve was unphased by the outburst. "Right. Bob, look, if you want to be a serious villain in this 'story,' you're going to have to really step up to the plate. There are at least three more villains not yet introduced in this story..."

"WHAT?" Dr. Xane turned around shocked. "Other villains? What other villains? This story doesn't need other villains! I'M the only one that should be the villain!"

Steve was, of course, only using this to mess with Dr. Xane, appealing to the insane series of 'philosophy' books by the crackpot philosopher Dr. Itchy that 'Dr. Xane' had acquired at some point in his life and so readily consumed as gospel. Steve would later have to pride himself on keeping a straight face the entire time throughout this conversation. Truly, he didn't think Dr. Xane would ever amount to anything. Yes, he'd had this entire fortress built… somehow… but he was overall too lazy, too crazed, and too self-absorbed to ever try to apply himself to doing anything useful or genuinely productive. Perhaps he really did have an IQ of 175. It wouldn't have mattered.

"Take it from me!" Steve continued. "You've got competition! And if you really want to achieve the status of Final Boss, you're going to have to really up the ante and step up to the plate! You have a high IQ just like I do! God knows why you're actually twenty points higher than I am... But, right now, stop procrastinating! Stop playing video games! Stop hiring bands to play songs for you so that you can make yourself feel like more of a villain! You have one of the most advanced laboratories in the world with the most modern equipment that you were able to get with your money!"

"My dad's money. I really miss him. He didn't hug me enough as a child... sometimes I still hold myself and cry when I think about it..." Dr. Xane looked really forlorn.

Steve put his face in his hand.

"Look, I'm done." Steve said resolutely. "I'm going back to my room to bury my nose in some books. Let me know if you actually start doing anything legitimate towards 'taking over the world.'" Steve started to walk off.

"Maybe if I had a hug it would give me the will to move on..." Steve turned around to see Dr. Xane standing there with a lonely, pouty look on his face. Steve inwardly shuddered.

"You're not getting one from me!" Steve said as he walked off.

He could practically feel Dr. Xane's downcast face watching him as he walked off. "See if one of the people from that band you hired can help you!" Steve yelled at him, not turning around a second more.

Steve sighed as he made the LONG trek back to his room in this oversized behemoth of a building. Why was this room on the 3rd floor! He resolved he was moving down to one of the rooms on the first floor tomorrow, no matter what 'Dr. Xane' said. Not tonight, though. He was just way too exhausted from this day.

Steve entered the gray, metallic, futuristic looking room that was his for the duration of his stay. He sat down on his bed and sighed, putting his head into his hands.

Why was he even still here? He could really have left at any time. Oh, yeah, right. Internship credit.

Sure, he could very easily just fly out of here, explain the situation to his university about the madhouse he'd found himself in, and find a real lab to study in and gain genuine experience.

Experience! Ha! What was all this work he was doing in his school accomplishing for him anyway? Did he really think he was going to become a genuine scientist one day and change the world? Not now. Not at this point in his life.

He'd been heavily interested in science from as young as age 6. He had a high enough IQ for it. He'd built his first Tesla coil from scratch at age 9. The laser canon he had entered into his 4th grade science fair had been powerful enough to blast through several rooms of the building to the outside. (He hadn't meant to make it that powerful.) Luckily, no one had been injured. He would have been in serious trouble had he not won first place. The laser was confiscated. 'Too dangerous to be in the hands of a kid.' Ha! He'd built it from scratch all on his own! He could build another one should he so please! He'd never found out what happened to the original.

Science had been his dream throughout the entirety of his younger years, one his parents had so enthusiastically nurtured and encouraged to grow. He'd imagined himself as growing up and making a positive impact on the world someday with science.

But as the years passed by and he'd gotten older, he'd started becoming more and more startlingly disillusioned with the world around him.

He'd begun to note more and more that chaos and madness seemed to consume the world on a daily basis. He'd started noticing the way people seemed to walk around in their own self-created bubbles, oblivious to the world around them and the more important things that were really going on.

On the one hand, celebrities and reality TV dominated the minds of much of the modern generation; for example, more people knew just about everything there was to know about the contestants of American Idol while at the same time barely having any idea of who was running for President of the United States. A celebrity's new haircut would dominate the news waves for nearly a week while stories of wars and conflicts all over the world and international crises that even might threaten their very own country got relegated to secondary status. Ect. ect.

On another extreme were the people who were completely lost in their own political and religious ideologies. Everybody was so polarized. Nobody would even listen nor try to dialogue with each other. There was simply constant bickering, fighting, and closed-mindedness.

Even science was not immune. Humanity had this way of taking even the most positive advances in science and using them to perpetuate chaos or trying to control others, using them as a means of trying force other people to comply with their own ideologies.

It made everything seem all so pointless to Steve. What good would his science do in this world of perpetual inanity and stupidity?

Steve realized the reason he was here was because, except for the occasional having to put up with Jake's insanity, for the most part he could stay here and hide and push the rest of the world out. This fortress was isolated in the middle of the Savannah with no one for miles around… for the time being, he didn't have to take part of the real world anymore. It couldn't reach him out here.

Yes, Xane was a total bimbo, and he had to put up with him several times a day… but Steve honestly couldn't figure out whether or not the perks outweighed the annoyances.

Bob annoyed Steve immensely, as Steve saw him as the epitome of everything that was wrong with much of the world rolled up into a single human being. It was astounding. Yet, in a strange sense, there was almost a sort of justice, getting to watch 'Dr. Xane' floundering around and ultimately making an utter fool out of himself in the process, completely oblivious to just HOW much of a fool he was making out of himself. He would never amount to anything.

Perhaps Fate, in its inane sense of humor, had determined to use Dr. Xane to give him a taste of the sense of freedom and escape from the world he so desired while making sure he couldn't flee the insanity _entirely. _But maybe he'd just have to take the best he could get.

Steve sighed as he laid on his back and re-opened the book he had been reading before that inane machine had annoyed him enough to go hunting for the off switch.

The thing that irked Steve probably the most was that simply, in this world of insanity he lived in, where everything seemed so hopelessly meaningless, was that his life, his talents, his potential contributions, all seemed hopelessly meaningless as well.

He was pursuing his degree in college, he was excelling, but what was it all worth in the end? It was nothing in this world… this world of madness and blindness and perpetual chaos.

In the end, the only reason he kept his studies up, the only thing motivating him to keep going toward become a full-fledged 'scientist' one day was because… well, he didn't want to have be a jobless person out on the street someday, did he? Nor did he want to live out his life stuck in an endless retail career simply because he had no college degree. If he wanted to reasonably survive and make the best of the rest of his life, he was going to have to have some kind of career. And it better be something he was at least marginally passionate about.

Surviving… that's all he was doing. That's all he was doing here. That's why he was going so hard for his degree. It was simply a way of surviving. He was simply doing it because it was something he could do that would help him to live semi-comfortably someday. The world had no deserving of his talents… but he had no choice but to make something out of himself because he had to support himself.

If he was going to be forced to live here on this mad planet and go through his life… he'd better at least be somewhat comfortable while doing it.

Just surviving…


End file.
